Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Vodka?
Forever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
