An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
