Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
