Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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