dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
