It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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