I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
