Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
