I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
