Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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