Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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