Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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