i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
