he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
