Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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