I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
