Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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