I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
