We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
