I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
