Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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