We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
