Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
