I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
