I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
