do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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