I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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