just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
