I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
