I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
