Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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