Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All I want is dick and wine.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
