Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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