God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
