Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
