So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
