One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
