That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
