I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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