Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
