Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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