i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
