do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
