omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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