Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
