She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
