Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
