jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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