With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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