part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
