Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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