i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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