i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
