i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
