If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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