I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
