Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
