meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
