I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I love you. Go after that dick
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
