Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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