I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize