I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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