Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
