I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i came on her dog
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
