Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
