The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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