she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
