Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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