Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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