I wish my penis had an off switch
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
