I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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