Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
