I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
