On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
