I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize