Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
