I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
