As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am available for nakedness
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize