you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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