Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
