God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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