if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
