Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
