I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
