it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
