Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
