are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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