o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I understand Curling. That high.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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