It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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