i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
