Your face is a jimmy john
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
